The Guild Wars 2 Conspiracy — The MMO Gamer

The Guild Wars 2 Conspiracy

GW2 Conspiracy

This is an article I originally wrote last week for The Inner Geek Zone, but since it involves an MMO I thought some of you might enjoy it as well.


For nearly six years I have been married to a woman who has been as supportive of my gaming hobby and transition into a gaming writer as anyone could ever be.  But recently it seems that  she has concocted a devious plan that I was unaware of.  Now the wool has been removed from over my eyes, and the truth of what is happening is as apparent as the freckles on her pretty little face.  That innocent looks she gives me as she walks past the door to my gaming room hides her true nature, and it is pure evil.

It’s a damn conspiracy I tell you.  Let’s go back in time, to say… mid April.  My wife comes out to my game room and tells me that we are going out of town for a white water rafting trip on the weekend of April 27th-29th.  Great!  That sounds like fun!  Some camping and white water rafting is just what we need to release the stress of the everyday grind.  I’ve got nothing going on that weekend.  Let’s hit the water.

A week and a half  later ArenaNet announces that their first beta weekend for Guild Wars 2 will take place beginning…you guessed it, April 27th and running through the 29th.  /sadface

So while, yes, I did enjoy the rafting and camping that weekend, you know full well that as I lay in our tent at night, staring at the beautiful stars, all I could think was that I should be playing Guild Wars 2.  Judge me all you want, but there’s no way I was the only mofo somewhere totally awesome but still having part of me wishing I was at home in front of my computer smashing faces with my Charr warrior.

Oh, I did get to play some that weekend.  I got home just in time to enjoy the last half-hour that the servers were up.  /sigh

One unfortunate coincidence does not a conspiracy make, so I did not think much of it.  Bad timing, bad luck, whatever you want to call it, there would be other beta weekends upcoming.  Probably sometime in May.  Heck yeh, I will still get my GW2 on!

A week or two rolls by, and once again the wife strolls out to my game room with plans of an epic adventure.  This one, of course, more epic than the last.  It seems we are Orlando, Florida bound!  Disney World, Sea World, hand-picked oranges, and alligators!  And it will all be ours for a week beginning June 8th.  Sounds great!  The only time I’ve been to Disney as an adult was when we went to Epcot in college, so I was anxious to see more of the parks at an age when I will actually remember what I saw.  And it’s well over a month before we are going, so there will surely be a GW2 beta by then.  Ahh, life is good.

So anyway, I’ve got over a month for another beta event, that is, until the month of May rolls by and no GW2 beta is announced.  As we near June, I begin to think to myself, “What are the odds of them announcing a beta event on the one weekend in two months that I can’t play?”.  I mean, if they run one the first week in June, I’m still home, and if they wait until the weekend of the 15th, I’ll be back home with time to spare, and of course any weekend after that is great.  What are the odds…what are the odds.

Pretty damn good apparently.  With only a week and a half until we leave for Florida, the Guild Wars 2 second beta weekend is announced, and you all know by now when it took place.  The weekend of June 8th.  You..have got…to be kidding me!  There’s no way this is happening.  I’m missing my second GW2 beta weekend to another trip that my wife planned, to an even more awesome location than before.  Some people would consider all that trip planning the actions of an awesome spouse.  I call shenanigans!

Two beta weekends, two out-of-town events planned.  And here’s where her secret comes out.  This has now gone past the possibility of pure coincidence.  She has intimate knowledge of the GW2 beta testing schedule. After missing the first beta weekend, she knew it would be near impossible to pull me away from the next one, so she promises me Florida sunshine, dolphin shows, and Mickey freakin’ Mouse, and makes me agree to go mere days before the official beta weekend is announced. The only way that this could possibly happen is if my wife works for ArenaNet.  And of course her only purpose for working there is to keep me away from Guild Wars 2.  It’s the only theory that makes sense.  There is no other viable explanation!

So, where do I go from here?  At this point, I’m waiting for her to book us a private shuttle to the moon for sometime in the coming months.  I mean, she does have to out-do Disney World and Sea World for the next trip.  But this time, when she makes her way out to my computer room to tell me that we have another trip scheduled, I’ll be ready for her.  I see you coming woman, and I ain’t havin’ it no more!

I see no alternative other than to get her fired from this job that she hasn’t told me about but must exist for it is the only explanation that makes sense.  Time to send ArenaNet a letter telling them that she is a spy from Activision/Blizzard, and is looking to steal all of their secrets.  That’ll ruin her little plan, and assure that I’m home for the next beta weekend.


  1. An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a colleague who
    has been conducting a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me dinner due to the
    fact that I discovered it for him… lol. So allow
    me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks
    for spending the time to talk about this subject here on your site.

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